So many things has happen in my life this entire week. 0.o
I feel that God has given me a challenge now. I don't know how to express myself in words.
So many people I know now started to change. I have no idea if this is good or bad so I will just wait and see.
I don't even know why I want to blog today. I just had this feeling that I should just type everything out here. =P
I think I can overcome this challenge. Just as long I have Faith and Determination! =)
I think nothing will happen now as long as I have Him!
Oh well~ Cya~

Labels: The pain of fighting a battle alone., thoughts of you flow into my minds

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Not suppose to blog now. Suppose to complete my study rule but I guess I can spare a few minutes. =P
I feel so stressed right now. =( So many things going through my mind now!

1. N level coming soon and I am sure gonna fail my Chinese. Everyone will think I am inferior again just because I can't speak normal Chinese........
2. I Have a strong feeling that another cold war is about to begin with her it this would be far worse then the last time. Maybe I am just being paranoid but my heart tell me differently. Why must it always be like this?
3. My parents wants me to become a Buddhist but I want to become a Christian. I was passively forced into going to their youth class today(I couldn't say no but I don't want to say yes). =(
4. I feel totally inferior to people. Comparing my life with someone, I feel that I had never achieved anything this 10 years since I became a student. Wasted my life....
5. Impression of me. I feel that I am leaving a really bad impression to everyone now.... I just don't know why....

Sorry for being really emotional. =P Ought to stop this! Think positive! =)
Anger management: 50% but not going to increase anytime soon. =(
That is my top 5 worries....... I can't believe I actually wrote all of this down. =O
Overall day: Great since I learned lots of things in youth class but it feels wrong to go to that class. =(
Overall mood: Stressed and terrible. Feeling really paranoid(I think). I don't know who to turn to for advice now.....

Labels: My heart is a battleground, The pain of fighting a battle alone.

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I feel so sad now since my wallet is missing. =(
A lot of things had happen since this Wednesday.
I ought to stop doing all of this.
I refuse to break down but they keep pushing me down.
I feel that I was too naive to even think it was that simple.
I am really sorry for the inconvenience that I have caused you.
I didn't know it would escalate to all of this.
I really feel inferior compared to you.
I thank you for your encouragement.
I will always pray for you.
Please give me a second chance.
Sorry for being very emotional here.If you are not interested then please skip this post. I only wanted to post this to express myself.
Going for my first Connect Group later and going for zone F service. =)
O level Chinese Oral is coming! Oh No!!! ='(
Have to attend youth class tomorrow. ='(
Sad. ='(
Oh well~ Let's just be friends. Maybe when I reach 21 then I will try again. =)
For now, Strictly friends. Haha~ I thank you for giving me a second chance! Let's just be friends. =)

Labels: A sense of relieve after completing a challenge., Dream big but start small.

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Labels: Follow your heart and make the right decision, Have faith and be strong in yourself.

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P.O.P finally came to an end. I should be happy but for some reason I feel that POP is a disgrace to me. =( Went there only to be treated like some useless person. I still remember what my sir told me during POP.
Me: er... sir when can I get my rank?
Sir: Wow! you want to get your rank? Okay then fall in at 2.30pm and I will "draw" a rank for you.
Me:*stare blankly* sure....
Damn Jerk sia that sir. Screw him make people life miserable. I could have chose to go for church outing with domonic and Jeanie but I came for POP. Next time(I don't think there will be a next time)I will just put church first. 0.o
Anyways today's gonna be quite a busy day. It is now 6am in the morning and I can't sleep. =P
Going for my Class CIP then have to Rush all the way to Church for service and Follow up. =P My parents all say that I might as well buy my own lunch and dinner as they will not be home the entire day. =(
All my friends kept asking why I am so devoted to church... Am I really that devoted? oh well. =P
Focus all week round. =( 51 days left till N level. =( I am not so prepared. =( Hope I could score below 10 for my EMB3 as that is what is expected from my father. =( here is my target though
English: 3
Combined science: 1
Combined humanities:2
F&N: 2
Math:1
Chinese: Don't bother XD
Hope I can pass everything =) (wait what am I talking about? Of course I can pass it!)
oh well. Good Morning to all and Cya!

Labels: Time is short so cherish what you have now as you may never know when it will disappear

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No time to blog so I will just summarizes my life this few days into a 3 line sentence.
Life feels great without worrying about you but at the same time I feel that I treat you too harshly
I lie to myself telling me that everything is alright
I don't know what to do now especially since I have no experience on this

Overall day: Normal day compared to other days =)
Overall mood: Totally down for some reason. so sad and feel so guilty at the same time. =(

Labels: I have nothing left to impress you, Life feels great when it is peaceful

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6.43am and still no luck sleeping peacefully. =( Darn it.
Follow up yesterday was totally great! Learn about how to talk to God. =) haha! So far no luck hearing his voice except for the fact that there is this small voice that keeps telling me to invite this person to HOGC. =( ( Still not gonna invite him!)
Yesterday birthday celebration was one of the greatest! 1st day was by my parents, 2nd day is by my school friends, thirdly would be my CG friends. =) Nice! 3 days of birthday! first time in my life I have received so many cards! haha! Thanks everyone! =)
Anyways yesterday service was awesome! Brought my parents for the first time to church! Haha! They said that it was exciting and all but the trip was ruined when they brought my youngest brother. Too Hyper- Active to the point that they find it irritating. =( I wanted them to meet my CG leader but they left so quickly. =( what a waste. =(
After service went straight home with all my friends. =)
I wonder what is installed for me today? My religious class teacher personally told me that he wants me to go back there. wow! He remembered my name even though I sort of back slide from that class 3 years ago. =) I still really don't feel like going there but then my dad wants me to go. =(
Oh well. 7am here now! Gotta go back to sleep! Cya~ haha~

Labels: Follow your heart and make the right decision, Slience is so loud

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Click the pictures to enlarge. =)
Sorry about the quality of the picture. using my phone camera(3.0 Mega pixles) to took this pictures.=(

It's 5:51am here and I can't sleep again. Yesterday was Ling Li's birthday so went to celebrate with her. totally Great! Had quite a lot of fun there. I think I can upload a few pictures here. =P
Don't feel like uploading this photo on Facebook. Afraid too many people will start to spread rumors again. =(
Yesterday's belated birthday bash by Brenda and Desiree was Totally awful! Brenda's was not so bad but Desiree was so painful! I am 16 this year but they added so many punch because she know me when she was water baptized which means at the age of 1 she knew me? Haha XD so that means that 1+2+3.....+16= 200+ WTH? Haha! then Still plus the Chinese calender which means countless more.
Up until now it still hurts(Not really XD) and I still owe her a few more cause I called her hamster+ by her Nickname(haha! Nice name!). =P
Total epicness! =P
Should have use the file to counter her some more. =P Haha! Too bad I can't hit her. =)
anyways, Gonna have a follow up at 1Pm with my CG member(wow! Lesson 4 already? didn't knew it was that quick) and after that they are gonna celebrate my birthday(I think...)
N- level exams are starting soon! Can't believe everyday there will be focus! Wednesday is the worse! 6 periods of Jane Class. I think I should just skip her class? XD haha! JKJK!
anyways found a really powerful verse at the NIV bible which I think I should just share with everyone!
Credits to Remus for telling me this verse during my birthday=). Thanks!
Anything is possible with God on my side! =)
Oh well it is 6.20am le( took longer than expected =P)
Time to go! Cya all!

I can do everything through him who gives me strength- Philippians 4 :13 (NIV)

Labels: Have faith and nothing is impossible., l, Life feels great when it is peaceful

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Haha! today is totally great! So many people remembered my birthday for the first time! Wow! Thank God for answering my prayers. For the first time, received a birthday card! Haha! so Nice!
I didn't expect so many people to remember my birthday! At first I thought if I could just get more than 10 people to remember then I am lucky. Kinda shocked to see more than 50+ people wishing me happy birthday( Not Facebook!)
Wanna post a picture of it here... Maybe tomorrow. =)
Today can be marked as a best day! Totally feel very great! Can't explain this feeling...
Sadly, my family ruined the birthday mood. can't believe both my younger brothers don't know how to behave.=(
On the bright side, they remembered my birthday. =) Totally great!(I wonder who told my dad my birthday was today... =P oh well)
Have to thank everyone(especially all my schoolmates) who remembered my birthday! So great!
Went to IMM today to buy a birthday card for someone else tomorrow. Hope the person would not mind my handwriting. =P
Overall Day:Awesome! Sweet 16th birthday! Can't forget this day!
Overall mood: Totally ecstatic! Feel so great! Really didn't see this coming. =)

Labels: Expect the unexpected, Happiest day of my life

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I just came back from jane's remedial... totally horrible! Now having a headache. =P Strangely my left ear temperature is 36.9 but my right ear is 37.6. So am i having a fever? So inaccurate sia the temperature. =(
I feel totally angry with someone now. I have given them chance for the past 3 years and he did was played around like as it nothing has happen. I really feel like giving the person a bashing! I don't think I will be attending my P.O.P on Friday since everyone is not going......
I feel so guilty now.. but I won't regret that decision. No point going when all they do is give attitude!
Anyways, Want to share something nice to everyone. Credits to Eugene Lim:
If the devil gives you thoughts of suicidal, you must be a great person in the future, so he wants you to die! No wonder some people just don't wanna die.
Hope this would cheer everyone up! =)
Overall day: Normal but ruined due to 2.4km run and English remedial =(
Overall Mood: Angry at someone but happy. =)

Labels: believe in your dreams and support it till the end

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Just came back from English Oral Exam. I think I did well up until the point where the instructor said this to me.
Instructor: Edwin you did a very good job with the oral! I am impressed by your conversation!
Me:Thank you sir!
Instructor: But You would have scored the highest if you were to maintain eye contact during conversation, I strongly suggest you do that for O-level
Me: *shocked and speechless*=0
Instructor: You may leave now.
I was totally shocked by what he said... totally sad.=(
Anyways... my family is in a totally mess right now..... everyone is screaming and shouting all over the house. =( So depressed right now....
Anyways, Need to thank All the Zone F people(Especially F3 people and Esther Heng who came to school to wish everyone luck) for wishing me luck! This is the first time in my life so many people had gave me encouragement. Really don't know how to thank everyone.
2 days left to my birthday. =(
Overall day: Great but shocked to the point that I am speechless...
Overall mood: Happy but depressed due to my family...

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Managed to skip work today. Haha! Feel so bad now since they all need me to go but I didn't go. Haha! XP. Anyways managed to use my laptop now since my family all went for swimming. =)
Now I am slacking at home. So great the feeling.
anyway I have been trying to listen to all the worship songs. I like the song run by Hillsong. =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sZLXk7a3zc

VERSE 1:You were God from the outset
Powerful and creative
You who saw us here before You called
All the stars and the earth to existence

VERSE 2:
You are God You are holy
History is Your story
You who was and is
And who forever will be
God we live for Your glory
CHORUS 1:
So we will run
All together our hearts aflame
With a fire that can't be tamed
Our God all glory to Your Name
Jesus

VERSE 3:
You are God You are freedom
You're alive now within us
You who saw us here beforeYou conquered the grave
And delivered on the promise

CHORUS 2:
We will run
Our surrender to bring You fame
Our desire that You be praised
Our God all glory to Your Name
Jesus
Feel so happy every time I listen to this song XD
anyways wanted to upload this photo that my friend had made. Credits to Farhan!
Didn't want to upload this pictures to Facebook as I don't want to attract to much attention. =)






Anyways school is starting tomorrow and I am not ready for N level oral tomorrow. =( So scared now but I don't feel like doing anything at all. =) haha! Hope I will pass my N level with flying colours. =) Hope that I won't be called for remedial on Wednesday with her. =P
3 days left to my birthday. =)
Overall day: Slack and quiet.(Really like today so much since it is so quiet)
Overall Mood: Really happy for no reason. =P (Mood swing? haha! XD jkjk!)

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Just came back from A.R Bernard Service. Totally awesome! I really feel impacted by his words today! I really feel that It was worth it to come so early to book the best seats! After that Suppose to go to my grandmother's house but I don't feel like going.
I really don't feel like going out for work tomorrow... I feel so tired. I rather go out with my CG people than to go work and earn so little.
I came for today's service with a terrible mood.... My mother started to say that I don't know how to appreciate the fact that Buddhism has help me in my life. How has forcing me to drink holy water Help me in my life!?!?!
I rather become a Christian than to go become Buddhism!I still can remember the time where this old aunt force me to drink this water that had burned paper in it. I didn't want to drink it but they forced me by beating me and scolding me. I could Still remember what she told me.
She told me that I am a naughty person and that I am totally different.She also told me that I am a failure. I could still remember I was still primary 1 when she said that.
Could you imagine how hurt I would feel? Ouch!
So many things happen in my primary school days! I don't even want to talk about it. =( It is totally terrible! I hate going back to my primary school but I miss all my Primary school friends.(Shermine,valerine. I think I spelled their names wrongly). Those were the good times..... I would always talk to her when I am feeling very low. I pray that I could meet her again someday...
I notice something really Important. Everyone I have talked to said that I look cheerful from the outside. Do I really look cheerful? I always look into the mirror only to see a teenager who is ugly. Hmm.... Maybe It is just me. Gotta start changing my mindset!
Anyways, I still have not started on my revision. I really ought to get ready for my N level Oral now or I am gonna be in trouble.
Really want to go out somewhere tomorrow. Oh well it is 9.40Pm here! bye!
Overall mood: Totally terrible but slightly happy(wish could talk to some one)
Overall day: Great and Awesome!

Labels: Have faith and nothing is impossible.

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Just came back from Zone F service. First time I hear from my CG leader that I am a on fire Christian. Is he really serious? I meant I have only been there for like a few month only although I always go to their activity. Haha! Feel totally great! Enjoyed today's service.
This line keeps getting stuck into my head. " Out of all church, why did God send you to HOGC? there is a purpose for everyone." Don't know why Pastor How word's keeps getting stuck into my head.... =P
Went for Follow today at around 10am. So tired to wake up so early. =( But I think it was worth it!
Anyways, After service went outing with CG people. LOL! All went to Bugis street(I think it is spelled like this?) to shop with HanYing for his cloths. Still can't forget the chicken which made a really scary noise when squeezed...... Haha!
Can't wait for tomorrow service! A.R Bernard last service in Singapore! Yes!(I think I know why my CG leader said I was on fire...)
I kinda notice that our CG seems to be growing. Didn't know F3 has so many people. I wonder how big can it grow. Hope F3 can grow to at least 30 people. =) F3 all the way!
Managed to get hold of some worship songs(Happy Day. YES! THANKS!) and now feeling totally happy!
Overall Mood: Really happy! Almost feel heavenly!

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Yesterday Oral was great! managed to get Sophia Ng as my Oral teacher. She gave me quite a generous marks although she says that I should improve on Reading Aloud. She also said that I never maintain eye contact which is why I only scored 32/40. LOL! Sad. =(
anyways going to service soon. Today service should be great cause A.R Bernard is Preaching today! Yes! Haha!
I think my parents will kill me for coming home late tonight but oh well... I don't really think they would mind.
Still can't believe the fact that my birthday is 2 days after Oral exam. =( I miss the time where we go out to celebrate as a family. Hope all my friends would remember about my birthday. I don't think my dad would. =(
Anyways, Feel totally happy since my 3rd brother is out so I have my laptop that I can use. =) I bet tomorrow will be a hectic day.
Totally feel very tired now~ Hope I don't fall asleep during service. =(
My passing Out Parade(P.O.P) is coming soon.=) can't wait to finally pass out. Hope my teacher would promote me to Sergent before I pass out. I don't want to remain at Lance Corporal. =(
Oh well~ Got to go Bye!

Labels: Dream big but start small., The pain of fighting a battle alone.

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